How to offer support to siblings of disabled children

Are you looking for tips and advice on supporting the siblings of a disabled child? Whether you’ve recently found out a child has a disability and want to know how to support their siblings or are just looking for new ways to offer support, this article has a selection of suggestions.

Read on to discover a range of tips and advice for supporting the siblings of a disabled child.

Ensure that they don’t feel obliged to help

One thing to be mindful of when it comes to the siblings of a child with any form of disability is making them feel as though they are obliged to help. Although it’s always okay to ask for help from our children, we need to ensure they do not feel obliged to help and are able to say no if they want to. Especially for older children, it can make it feel as though they have a lot of responsibility at home and are unable to simply be a kid.

In the article, Growing Up Alongside a Sibling With a Disability by The New York Times, physician Keren Landman writes “siblings of children with special needs often grow up quickly and feel a sense of responsibility for their siblings in a phenomenon often called parentification. This might seem like a positive outcome for parents — a good kid is one who takes some of the burden off their parents. But too much parentification can lead to behavioural problems and feelings of rejection.”

Giving your child the power and space to say no to requests when they would have to sacrifice something in their own lives to do them or don’t feel emotionally available enough to complete the task can go a long way. Simply work on creating an open dialogue with them about their role in the house and the family and how they feel about it.

READ MORE: How to manage stress as a parent of a disabled child

Dedicate alone time for them

One of the most important things you can do for a sibling of a disabled child is to dedicate alone time for them. It’s only natural that, when we have children who need a higher level of care, they take up a larger amount of your time and attention. However, this can cause feelings of jealousy in siblings and can make them feel distant and not as important. Talking to the Child Mind Institute, clinical psychologist Dr Mandi Silverman explained “Parents have to remember to give every sibling attention, it may not be equal, but it has to be meaningful and consistent.”

By setting off a period of dedicated alone time for siblings, they’ll have a time when they can feel they have your full attention. Whether this is making sure you can read younger children a story before bed every night and quietly chat in private or scheduling a weekend a month with older children where you spend the day together doing what they want to do, this time can be incredibly meaningful.

Make sure they understand their sibling’s conditions

Something that can make processing a disability easier, especially if it has recently been diagnosed, is by making sure all members of your family understand it completely. It can be tempting to shield other children from the realities of a disability and try to keep them out of the loop to not worry them, however, this can have the opposite effect.

Especially in the case of younger children, trying to explain the disability, how it will affect their sibling’s behaviour and the level of care they require, should be done simply and sensitively but also honestly. Answer any questions they may have and let them know any updates there are. It might even be useful to bring them along to hospital appointments or any sessions their sibling has so they can see what’s happening and meet their sibling’s doctors or carers.

Something Scope recommends is giving them cards about their sibling’s condition so that they feel equipped to answer questions from others, “Some people find it helpful to have cards explaining their child’s condition. These can give siblings a way to talk about their disabled brother or sister to their friends.”

Give them the power to have their own social lives

It can feel upsetting when children without disabilities might do better in social situations and build up larger friendship groups at school or take part in more activities. Although it can be tempting to try and get them to include their disabled sibling as much as possible, especially when they’re similar ages, make sure they feel as though they can have their own individual social lives.

In fact, it’s actually common for siblings of someone with a disability to have more friends and build better connections. Dr Silverman told the Child Mind Institute: “Sometimes children who have siblings with special needs have a level of compassion that makes them especially good friends, and they have a lot of friends, because they are patient and positive and understanding.”

Making sure your child feels as though these friendships are theirs and theirs alone and not something they need to share is important. They can already feel as though they might need to give up an unfair amount so that their sibling can get those resources but giving them the power to enjoy their own social lives gives them something to have ownership over.

Reach out to others for support

Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are plenty of resources out there to not only support you but your children – disabled or not – in day-to-day life. This might be online resources, charities and organisations, family therapists, doctors and more.

One charity that is dedicated to helping the siblings of disabled children is Sibs, which has operated for 21 years in the UK. Their website has a vast number of resources that can help to support both the siblings themselves and parents as well. As well as a wealth of resources and an online community, they have a range of respite projects which can help you come together with families in similar positions.

READ MORE: Tips for supporting parents of special needs children

How to offer support to siblings of disabled children

• Ensure they don’t feel obliged to help
• Dedicate alone time for them
• Make sure they understand their sibling’s condition
• Give them the power to have their own social lives
• Reach out to others for support

There are plenty of ways to support the siblings of a disabled child, from allocating one-on-one time to them to keeping them in the loop about their sibling’s condition. Ensuring everyone in your family is taken care of is important, and from looking at stairlifts prices for those with struggle with mobility to offering emotional support to siblings of children who have difficulties, there is plenty that can be done to make a difference.

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